Bed Death |
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Dear Dr. Frankie,
I’ve been married to my partner for eight years. We have a wonderful relationship with one MAJOR exception! Look up Lesbian Bed Death and you will see our faces! Please help-we haven’t had sex for at least six months. We talk about it openly but the more time passes the more difficult and awkward it is to rekindle. What to do?
Dear Bed Death,
The idea of having sex, particularly if it has been a while, can be overwhelming and possibly intimidating. Build up to sex by becoming more intimate and reconnecting physically in non-sexual ways.
Make time daily to reconnect. After you and your partner come home from work and decompress, turn off the cell phones, TV, and other distractions. It is important for you both to show genuine interest and curiosity about each other’s days. Make this a ritual and spend at least 30 minutes a night to engage. Mornings can be a whirlwind but do your best to connect before you each begin your hectic days. Have an idea of what kind of day your partner is expecting. Does she have an important presentation to give at work? A job interview? A doctor’s appointment? And check in periodically throughout the day to let her know you are thinking of her. A simple “XO” text might be just what she needs to boost her spirits during a grueling day of meetings. The next step is to increase physical intimacy. Make time for activities that will increase your comfort levels with physical touch. Take a shower or bath together, relax in a hot tub, give your partner a massage, or even take a sex class together. It is also important to schedule a date night weekly or every other week. Make a point to go to bed together when possible. It’s hard to rekindle romance when one person is habitually falling asleep in front of the TV in the living room. Some of my favorite conversations are the ones I have with my partner before we fall asleep. Also remove dogs, children, and other sex-barriers from the bed. One of you might have to take the reins and spearhead the change to a better sex life. I have every confidence that because you have a strong relationship you will be able to rekindle your flame.
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