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I Kissed a Girl |
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Dear Dr Frankie,
This weekend at a party, one of my girl friends whom I've known for almost a year asked me how I would feel if we hooked up. I was too shocked to believe what I just had heard so I was kinda weird about it and I said it was betraying her boyfriend, right? After this, she got all weird and wanted to go home before she cheated on her boyfriend. Since that day it has been weird and she has been avoiding me, but today she asked to talk to me and said we could no longer be friends. She said it was not because of what happened, but because I've been flirting with her male friends (in a playful way) and that it was not cool. I couldn't help but to wonder if that was the real reason that we could not be friends. She also told me she felt uncomfortable when I told her she looked sexy or called her babe (like I always do with everybody, I'm nice like that). Do you think she might be into me and is afraid that she can't help herself from hooking up with me if we continue to be friends? I'd really like to know your opinion on this. Please help me.
Dear Confused, It sounds as if there might be a few different things going on here. The most obvious possibility is that your friend may be experiencing romantic feelings towards you that are uncomfortable for her. If this is the case, her feelings are also frightening to her for all the obvious reasons (judgment or scorn of friends/family, religious implications, bias of society) and also because she is currently in a relationship that she might not be ready to consider ending.
On the other hand being curious about kissing a woman certainly does not mean that she is a lesbian. Many women who consider themselves straight and lead perfectly happy “straight” lives, have kissed (or more) another woman. Your friend may be ashamed and embarrassed that she attempted to kiss you because not only did you turn her down, but you also highlighted the fact that she would be cheating on her boyfriend. It is possible that your friend feels embarrassed for behaving inappropriately with you, and is now ashamed because of it. She might also be angry with you for rejecting her, and is attempting to make you feel badly by rejecting you in return. By pointing out that you make inappropriate comments about her appearance she is justifying her statement that she does not want to be friends. I can’t exclude the possibility that your friend is attracted to you. Her desire to sever your friendship could be an excuse for her to avoid facing her fears of being attracted to a woman. By avoiding this possibility, she is able to avoid facing her own sexuality and the possibility of ending her relationship with her boyfriend. Consider all these possibilities or combinations of possibilities and make your decision
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