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What if she has too much baggage? |
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Dear Dr. Frankie,
We never got to meet at the recent WW event but I feel like I know what you would say anyway. I've read everything you’ve written and I have listened to all your broadcasts. I recently ran into a dyke I met on OK Cupid two years ago. Initially she blew me off because I was too young, but this time she made a beeline to say hello. We are both single. I had no hesitation about whether to go out with her, like I have had with this other woman I am sort of seeing but not so sure about. The OK Cupid woman came out in high school, loves women and has never doubted her sexuality. Her family is accepting and totally supports her. She's intelligent, well groomed, and loves her job as a social worker/life coach. The other woman came out late in life and now, after 10 years, has doubts about her sexuality. She keeps bringing up her straight life and all the insecurities she has about her gay life. I'm frustrated and I see life with her as complicated throughout. I keep making suggestions on how to help her get past it, but she doesn't follow through with any of it. I feel like I'm talking myself. UGH! I see the comparison/ contrast you speak about when you date several women at once and keep your options open. Is it so wrong to prefer the easier one with less baggage? Dear UGH! Unless there is something more to this scenario, I don’t see much of a comparison, do you? I’m a big fan of air conditioning in the summers, heated seats in the winter, and umbrellas in the rain. I could certainly choose not to use these wonderful amenities, but why on earth would I choose to unnecessarily make my life harder? I would discourage you from pursuing a future with a woman with whom you’re already frustrated, and doesn’t seem to be making any forward progress in her life. People and situations change, so although the OK Cupid woman initially dismissed you-it appears that you’ve reconnected in a positive and organic way. You seem happy with the way she and her family have embraced her sexuality and other aspects of her life. It sounds like she is on a completely different level than the other woman, who is starting to backpedal and doubt very fundamental aspects of her life. I don’t see much of a question here, do you? Don’t over-think this one, the right choice seems to be obvious.
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