Dear Dr. Frankie,
I am a first time reader and advice seeker. I am incredibly in love with my girlfriend of one year. We were very good friends for 8 years before she confessed her feelings for me, and we pursued this thing called love. We are in a long distance relationship, which is my first successful one. All things I normally did in relationships before her, I no longer do. I've curbed all my bad habits and I fight my natural flight instincts during an argument. I grow better every day with her but the problem is that she does not seem to. She has a lot of baggage from her last relationship and I often wish she had a rebound girl between the Destroyer and me. I wished she had someone to help her heal and show her the good things in life, so that when she got together with me it wouldn't be such a struggle. She always says "I'll try" or makes excuses, and it’s starting to make me doubt whether she ever will. I tell her often to stop trying and just do it. Stop saying you’ll try to be there for me, and just be there. I need her to get out of her head. I am not her ex, I do not say things to hurt and poison her. I've done the crazy lesbian girlfriend thing, and I’m too old for that now. If this was anyone but her I would have been gone long ago. I just don't know how patient I can be. If she's the one than I guess she's worth waiting for, but how long do I have to wait for her to figure her shit out? Every time she disappoints me I hurt, and then she hurts because she hates disappointing me, and then I end up comforting her. Help!!! |
Dear Dr. Frankie,
My ex and I are broken up; we've gone thru the wringer. However, our children are friends and we live within walking distance from another. She has started dating and I haven't. I still feel a yearning to spend time with my ex and her kids, and think about them each day. I've gotten hobbies, enrolled in classes, I work full time (where I see her once a week) and became even more active in my kids lives. What else can I do to get her out of my head?
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Dear Dr. Frankie,
I am 52 yrs old and just coming off a 30-year relationship so I am unsure of the dating rules. I spoke with one of my younger friends (male because I don't have any close lesbian friends yet...I am new to the lesbian world!) and he said you NEVER call right away, you have to wait...it's like a game. Is there a dating "game"? I am not one for games and I stand for sincerity, courtesy and respect in a relationship. From what I hear, lesbians are a strange lot. My 30-year relationship was a heterosexual marriage. Unfortunately I didn't figure out what was lacking in my marriage until I met my first lesbian at 48 years of age! This leaves me without much knowledge of the lesbian world, but unfortunately I don't hear many positives about the lesbian-dating world. I know we cannot generalize an entire group of people, but do you know what I am talking about? Supposedly there is much drama to be found when dating in the lesbian community. I am not about drama and I don't understand as women. Why we don't have each other’s backs instead of looking to stick a knife in it? If you can share some insight with me on this new path I am traveling, I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks so much! |
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I'm 33 years old and somehow I've managed to completely avoid love and relationships. It was easy to avoid getting emotionally involved with men since I never felt any true connection. One of my biggest problems now is trusting someone enough to have a meaningful relationship. While I was trying to figure this out I fell in love with a professor. She broke my heart and I swore off dating once again (not that I had ever begun). Two years later I began trying to date, but somehow I always ended up meeting emotionally unstable women. I'm tired of playing the mother role. A woman recently contacted me. She seemed OK and I felt attracted to her. We e-mailed frequently and one day she wrote that she saw me as a potential girlfriend. I panicked. She even talked about us going away together and we hadn't even had coffee yet! I explained to her that I wasn't looking for a girlfriend and that I didn't have the time to commit to a long-term relationship because I have a very demanding job. My profile stated I was interested in "casual dating" and I wanted to move slowly to avoid heartaches. She said she understood and said she didn't want to have a girlfriend/wife situation with me. Everything seemed OK but then she stopped writing. I wrote to her but all I got was silence. I asked her to meet me a week earlier than we had originally planned, but nothing. I gave up and wrote her a goodbye e-mail. I told her how I felt and that I had tried my best to reach out to her, but she chose not to share her feeling with me. I blocked her. I can’t help but wonder what I could have done to change the outcome. I believe in honesty and I don't regret being honest about my feelings. I used a different dating website and she was my first match. I have the feeling we are meant to be together, but I'm afraid if I try to contact her again she'll reject me. Please, help. |
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I'm currently single and putting myself out there in the dating scene. My problem is that I can't seem to find the type of women I'm interested in. I'm looking for someone professional and well rounded. Not sure if that makes sense but I think the best way I can describe it is I work as a financial analyst, I love to work out, I'm financially responsible, I have a graduate degree, strong values and I don't fancy any drugs (except for the occasional drink in a social setting). I find that the majority of the women I date aren't settled and really don't know what they want to do with their lives. This makes me think I need to find women with a professional career because chances are they know what they want. My friends have also told me I need someone with a good career. I agree but I can't seem to find them. Do you have any advice or general suggestions on what I should change about my approach towards dating so I can find this type of woman? Any advice or thoughts you can offer would be great.
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