Happiness Myths

As you probably already know I enjoy writing on topics that help us improve our quality of life.  After all that’s why I became a matchmaker!  One thing I am sure we can all relate to is our desire to find happiness.  Do you think you’d be happier if you made more money?  Had your dream job?  Had a nicer car?  Had children or maybe even didn’t have the children you have?  Well let’s look at a few of the most common myths about happiness.

Myth #1:  You can’t “learn” to be happy.
Fortunately, happiness is largely influenced by factors that you have the power to control or influence; such as relationships, finances, careers, and mental health to name a few. Even by making slight changes in how you interact with others you can increase your happiness.  Make a conscious decision to look for the positive in a situation rather than dwell on the negative.  Making an internal shift in how you view you r situation will directly positively impact the world around you.

Myth #2:  Money doesn’t matter.
If you’re not making enough money to meet your basic needs and pay your bills then your financial situation will undoubtedly impact your happiness. Making at least a middle class wage will afford you the ability to compare favorably to others and to afford the things our society considers necessary.

Myth #3:  Being rich will make you happier.
Believe it or not studies show that among individuals earning over $50,000 a year, one’s happiness level is no higher if he is earning $250,000 a year or $55,000 a year. The key is ensuring that one’s basic needs are met.  Our consumer culture certainly likes to give the illusion is that wealth and expensive toys and trips bring happiness.  “While it’s true that the jump from poverty to middle-class yields substantial happiness increase, every additional dollar from that point forward provides ever decreasing benefit, and other factors such as job satisfaction and relationships become more important than ever.”  Richard Easterlin.

So if you ’re over the poverty hump then focus on what matters like family, friends and hobbies, and get off the overtime gravy train.

Myth #4:  Either you have happiness or you don’t.
Scientific evidence suggests that genetics are responsible for about 50% of our happiness baseline. In other words, consider you have two children with opposite personalities, one is sour and the other is sunny.  Half of their disposition is predetermined but we are responsible for the other half.  That is good news because if you are committed to making positive changes it can make a substantial improvement in your mood.  Dr. Lyubomirsky says “you probably won’t go from a 1 to a 10, but you can become happier.” One needs to work on nurturing their relationships, exercising, being kind to others and consider writing in a gratitude journal.

Myth #5:  Happiness is just a mood.
Happiness is an overall state of being. There are two types of happiness. There’s the present emotion of happiness, ones mood. And there’s the way in which we view our lives overall. For example, just because you may be feeling sad, angry or unhappy right now doesn’t mean you are unhappy with your life in general. You can learn how to manage and regulate your moods more effectively but if you are dissatisfied with your life overall managing your mood will unfortunately not be enough.

Myth #6:  Negative emotions always overshadow positive emotions.
Initially negative emotions can outweigh positive emotions because we tend to go into problem solving mode when we realize something needs to be fixed.  However the good news is that positive emotions appear to remain constant over time.

The more you experience positive emotions the less likely negative emotions will have a significant negative impact on your overall life satisfaction.  This is not to say that positive emotions will protect you from feeling badly about things but over time they can protect you from the consequences of negative emotions, Cohn says.

It’s important to keep in mind if one is suffering from depression or another mental disorder this may not be entirely true.  But studies indicate that when positive emotions are coupled with psychotherapy there is benefit and improvement made.

Myth #7:  Happiness is all about self gratification.
Happiness is more than just having pleasurable experiences.  Studies have indicated when people volunteer their time or donate something whether it is money or clothes; they experience a “helpers high”.  Several chemicals in our brain are secreted when we engage in acts of kindness including serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin. These chemical changes leave us with euphoric and pleasurable feelings from the experience of giving. After experiencing the pleasure that the release of oxytocin brings, your brain will want to experience the biochemical change again.  Recently a study was released that indicated people who engage in volunteering experienced a decrease in physical aches and pains.

Keep in mind it takes only a minimal amount of altruistic behavior to experience the benefits.  Consider donating an hour or two of your time weekly to a cause you feel passionate about.  Walk a dog at an animal shelter, help coach a tee ball team, or clean up a beach, and see how great you feel. You might want to increase your commitment but it’s always wise to start small to optimize your likelihood of following through.

In 2006 a study showed that simply thinking about contributing to a charity of your choice triggers the mesolimbic pathway.  This is the brains’ reward center and is associated with feelings of joy. At the very least thinking about making a contribution or writing a check can increase ones feelings of joy; but actually engaging in face-face interactions appears to have a greater impact.  Post says, “I think that’s because they engage the [brain’s] agents of giving more fully through tone of voice, facial expression, and the whole body.”

Want to learn how to overcome these happiness myths? Here are some ways:

There isn’t a single way to im prove one’s happiness. We are complicated beings and what may make one person happy may not have the same effect on another, therefore it is important to know what will positively impact you.

When picking an activity be mindful of the significance the activity has to you. Whether you choose to engage in something that fosters a sense of gratitude, gives you the feeling of greater connectedness, allows you to forgive, or creates a sense of optimism, you’ll be most successful if your choices are personally relevant to you.

Assess your strengths; think about how you can feel most productive and effective.  Are you an athlete or play a specific sport?  Think about volunteering as a coach or mentoring a child in need. Do you enjoy knitting? Knit blankets that you can donate to a neonatal intensive care unit. Are you a retired teacher? Offer tutoring to a child or adult. Are you a good cook? Prepare meals for people who are unable to.

Make sure whatever activities in which you engage suit you well.  Check in with yourself so you don’t lose the desire to participate if you’ve chosen the wrong endeavor. Also think about balance. Volunteering is helpful in improving one’s degree of happiness, but neglecting your own personal needs because you’re caring for someone else can lead to resentment and imbalance.  Creating balance in your life should be at the forefront of your mind, and check in weekly to make sure you’re on track.