Dear Dr. Frankie,
Hi! I have a question about the current e-technology and long distance quotients in dating. I met a woman, (I’ll name her “C”) online (she answered my ad) and she lives 4 hours away by car. “C” loves the area where I live and would move if her career could move her. (I think this is why “C” contacted me, because of where I live.) We hit it off real good over phone calls, email photos, emails, texts, Facebook, etc. I wished to meet face-to-face after the first month, “C” didn’t want to feel pressured to meet, as she was enjoying the “process” (her words) of us becoming good friends. I said fine, I’m ok with this, there never was, at any time, anything said we were anything but friends. I felt there could be a possibility of us becoming more than friends, I couldn’t know for sure until we met personally. Last week, I get an email from “C” saying she met someone else she wanted me to know she felt important enough to put it on FB as “in a relationship with..”, and wanted to tell me first before posting that particular status. Well, that hit kinda hard with me, as I felt I really liked “C” and was looking forward to meeting as a potential girlfriend. Yes, the distance factor was a concern, but I was willing to try for awhile until or if things changed for the better or differently. My question is, did I miss out because of the e-technology that prevails these days and it takes away the personal point of meeting people, or was the distance really a factor of my really not ever having a good chance or ?? I feel cheated by not getting a chance by meeting her face-to-face when I wanted to a month ago. Am I barking up a wrong tree and should I go on, continuing to be her “friend”, which she is really pleased with us being? Or ?? Thanks!
Hi Facebook Sucks,
Well, lets see where to start… I would say that you didn’t miss out because of technology, because without it you would have never had the chance to even meet her. Truth is research has shown that proximity to another person is the most likely way we meet others and start relationships. So not to say long distance relationships can’t happen, it’s just a much harder route. It sounds like you have a case of right-person / bad-timing. The good part is that you are attracting the right kind of women you are looking for. That you met “C” means that you can meet “B” and that you can have another connection in the future with a great woman. You may feel cheated by not getting to meet her face-to-face earlier on and I think that is a completely valid way to feel after having a strong connection to “C.” As for moving on, yes, do it, go for it, you are finding quality people, keep searching. Eventually things will line up with the right person, place, and timing. I believe in the laws of positive attraction. As for being friends, that’s up to you. If you can be a genuine friend, accept her being in a relationship, and feel that you can move on in new relationships then I would say go for it. But, by the sounds of it you may need some time to distance yourself as a friend so that you can heal from this and start looking for your next great relationship; after healing then you can reassess the relationship as a friend.