Want to know how to find authentic love? On dating apps, but still not able to find the love of your life? I understand. Recently featured on the Art of Authenticity Podcast, hosted by life coach Laura Coe, I highlight how you can find love in the era of social media and dating apps.
As you know, my first successfully matched couple was my father and step-mother when I was 14 years old. In the many years since that first coupling, I’ve become an expert on love, dating and couples. Of course, as much as my experience is an asset, I’m still impressed with how the dynamic of dating has shifted from offline to online and all the many mixes and branches those options offer. Still, many women are still coming to me with total frustration in finding authentic love.
In an effort to unpack the current dating landscape, I allowed myself to be interviewed by the always insightful Laura Coe. Below is a recap of the podcast, but you can always jump ahead and listen now.
When It Comes To Dating, Have Realistic Expectations
“We all think we deserve someone exceptional. “
The sentiment stems from our culture that encourages rewards because “we deserve it.” And while everyone deserves a great partner, no human is perfect. Social media, lesbian dating apps and even the stories from our community, create perceptions that everyone else is having perfect relationships and if you’re not having it, you should discard you lover and start again. It’s important when searching for authentic love, that you’re realistic when considering dates. With all of the available options (lesbian dating apps, speed dating, online options), people get discouraged, thinking they’re not good enough, feeding their fears of never finding a loving partner, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Dating World Has Definitely Changed
Queer dating has seen a few changes over the past few years as more and more people discover ways to describe their identity and sexuality. Modern dating has seen an increase in bisexual women more owning their identities, many more folks claim non-binary and gender-fluid identities as well as the whole variety of trans individuals. Interestingly enough, age differences in lesbian dating is still a strong part of our community, and as a big fan of dating outside your age-range, I love this.
You Can Still Have A Wonderful Relationship Even When You’re Not In Love
Is it possible to have a great relationship even if you’re not in love with the person anymore? Absolutely. With many women raised in a pervasive ‘culture of romance,’ I elaborate on the signs of being in love with someone, versus simply loving them (you’d be surprised). Even after you’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone, you can still keep things fresh and reignite the spark. There are many specific ways that a long-term couple can work on issues in their relationship (I’m being vague because I want you to go listen to the podcast : )
Practicing Mindfulness Is Important For Relationships and Self-Improvement
Part of finding authentic love is living authentically, meaning being true to oneself via self-care and mindfulness. As a small business owner, single mother of two teenagers and practicing psychologist, I prioritize self-care by always getting in a Cross-fit class. My Insta followers have all seen my suffer-fest workouts and as much as they kill me, they keep me sane. My kids do the same. I never have enough time in the day, which makes me human. Practicing mindfulness allows me to slow down, quiet the internal voice and remember that I’m becoming the best version of myself.