Single lesbians often complain, “I don’t meet enough quality women.” My first question is always, “Where are you looking?”
In all of my experience as a matchmaker, there’s one simple activity that I try to convey about finding the woman of your dreams:
We meet people we have things in common with us when we participate in activities we love. I’ve written about this sort of thing before and I wanted to revisit it and give a few more practical ideas.
Finding a mate who likes the same things you do, starts with yourself. What do you like to do? What kind of books do you like to read? How do you like to spend your Saturdays? What sort of music do you listen to? Answering these questions can lead you toward opportunities for mixing with women with common interests.
For instance, I love 80’s music. I have no guilt for my love of Depeche Mode, The Cure, New Order & the like. Their songs fill my car with singing and power me through my workouts. However, this poses a problem when it comes to clubbing. Modern clubs don’t play 80’s music and therefore, I don’t dance. It bummed me out for a while, but then I thought of a solution: Find an 80’s night. Once every few months, a local club hosts an 80’s night and I attend. With the club occurring so rarely, I look forward to it and when I’m there, I say hello and introduce myself to fellow attendees. As a result, I’ve met some lovely folks and we even meet outside of the club. These are people I have something in common with.
The same goes for finding a mate. If you like to run, join a running club. If you read vampire novels, create a MeetUp Vampire Book Club. If you’re vegan, visit your local natural foods store and chat with the woman buying tofu. Having something in common will reduce awkwardness and keep the conversations flowing.
It’s about considering how you spend your time and how you can widen that time to include something a little different, in order to widen your circle of quality women.
Here are resources/ideas for finding a woman you might have something in common with:
MeetUps: MeetUps exist for everything under the sun. Anyone can join them and anyone can start one. For instance, a Meetup in Hawaii called Lesbian Hawaii Social Network hosts brunches, roller derby shows, burlesque shows and dog park meet ups. It’s a great way to meet new people and since everyone is new, you can walk up to anyone and say hello.
Women’s Specific Fitness Groups: Quality women take care of both their bodies and minds. Budding triathlete or new swimmer? Join a women’s specific fitness group (a search for “women fitness” in your city should render good results). You will not only meet women with something in common, but the support of the other group members can be enriching as well.
Art Gallery Opening Receptions: New shows at art galleries always feature an opening reception. They are generally free to public, include wine & cheese and tend to attract a variety of individuals. Asking a fellow attendee her opinion on the piece of art in front of you is a great way to start a conversation.
Take a Class: From wordpress to welding, local community colleges and organizations offer a variety of classes every season. Find ones specific to the type of women you like to meet (nerdy, punk rock, sporty?) and join in. For example, The Flaming Lotus Girls in San Francisco offer women volunteers the opportunity to learn how to weld & create art by assisting in building one of their metal & fire art pieces. You’re sure to find a fellow Burning Man enthusiast there…
Meeting someone compatible takes time and effort. It sometimes takes a lot of small interactions to get to the bigger ones. Doing things you love will increase your changes. Put yourself out there, say hello and then just see what happens…