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Dear Dr. Frankie,

How do my partner and I overcome lesbian bed death?

-Stone Cold

Dear Stone Cold,

Start by focusing on intimacy rather than sex. Give her a foot massage; take a bath together, reconnecting physically without the pressure of sex will lower both of your anxieties. Surprise your partner by wearing sexy underwear, she’ll notice and you’ll feel more sexy and desirable. Take the computer and the TV out of the bedroom. The bedroom should be for two things, sleeping and sex. It might sound unsexy, but its important to schedule time every week for intimacy and romance. Splurge occasionally with a weekend getaway to a romantic location. Explore erotica, porn, toys, role playing, mix things up. Sleep in the nude, there is nothing like feeling your partner’s warm, soft skin on yours. Remind her daily of all the reasons you love her. Educate yourselves about sex by reading and learning-the more you know the more skill and confidence you’ll have. Take risks by asking your partner what turns her on and by expressing your own needs. Switch top and bottom. Text her an occasional provocative message. If you’ve exhausted these options and nothing seems to help, consult a sex therapist to help you reconnect. There may be issues other than sexual compatibility holding you back.

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