If you’ve never tried it before, or never had a positive experience with it, anal sex can be intimidating. For some of us, the idea of the butt as a source of sexual pleasure and connection feels taboo. For others, it’s something we associate with gay men, not queer women. For still others, it’s all about the poop, and specifically not wanting even a whiff of poop anywhere near the bedroom. But anal sex — whether with a partner or on your own — can be a transcendent experience and can help you get more in touch with your body, your desire, and your pleasure. Not convinced? Here are a few reasons lesbians should try anal sex.
Anal Can Be For Everyone
The anus has 8,000 nerve endings – just as many as the clitoris. But while not everyone has a clit, everyone has an anus and the ability to derive pleasure from it, regardless of gender or sexuality.
In addition to directly involving those nerve endings and the pelvic floor, for people with g-spots, anal sex can be a way to stimulate the g-spot through the back wall of the vagina. It can also stimulate the a-spot or anterior fornix, a debated patch of erogenous tissue between the cervix and bladder. (If you’re looking at sex toys, symmetrical butt plugs might feel best.) For people with prostates, anal penetration is a direct way to play with the walnut-sized gland. (If you’re looking at sex toys, butt plugs with a gentle curve are a great way to target your p-spot.)
You’re More Likely To Orgasm
Sex is fun whether or not someone orgasms. But if you’re interested in coming or in helping someone else come, anal can make it more likely. Of surveyed women who said they had anal sex, 94% reported having an orgasm, according to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Anal Can Make Sex More Mindful
Good sex requires mindfulness – something that’s often elusive when life is full of careers, dishes, pets, and plants. Practicing mindfulness during sex is the act of consciously returning your attention to your body and the sensations you’re experiencing in the moment, without judgment, focusing on having an orgasm, or letting your mind drift. Better mindfulness has been linked to better sex.
So what does anal sex have to do with mindfulness? When you’re doing something new, it’s easier to stay in the moment and really engage with what you’re feeling. While anal offers the same unlimited potential for pleasure that can come from other types of sex, many of us don’t naturally associate it with pleasure – at least at first. That can lift some of the pressure we can put on ourselves to orgasm and help us be more in the moment.
Your anatomy is also in favor of mindfulness. The anus has two sphincters: an external one that we can consciously control, and an internal one that we control involuntarily and only by relaxing. If you’re anxious, distracted, and not paying attention to your body and your partner’s communicating, your internal sphincter won’t relax, and you won’t be able to enjoy penetration. Pleasurable anal involves going slow, using a ton of lube, focusing on what you’re feeling, using more lube, communicating constantly with your partner, reaching for the lube again, and being patient – all part of mindful sex.
You’ll Build Intimacy With Your Partner...
Good communication is essential to any type of sex, but it’s especially important with anal. Great anal sex doesn’t hurt – really! – and the way to make it great is by speaking up. “Go slow,” “wait,” “a little more please,” and “fuck yes” are all part of the anal sex toolbox. In a perfect world, all of us would feel completely comfortable communicating during sex about what we like and what we need. But that doesn’t always happen, especially when we’re having sex that feels more familiar. Anal sex is the perfect opportunity to practice communication skills with your partner that will carry over to all parts of your sex life.
...And With Yourself
How often do you have a masturbation date night with yourself? How often do you try something different just for you? Exploring anal sex alone with a butt plug, a dildo with a flared base, or your fingers and lots of lube can help you switch up your masturbation and reconnect with your body and what feels good. You are responsible for your own pleasure, and you deserve it.
Even if you plan to have anal with a partner, incorporating it into your masturbation first can help you figure out what you like and teach you how to relax your muscles so you can enjoy the experience. Plus, if you’re nervous about poop, trying anal in the shower makes clean-up super simple, and in many bathrooms is easier alone than with a partner.
It Gives You More Sexual Options
Whether it becomes your new favorite sex act, a treat on special occasions, or something that you tried but don’t need to try again, anal sex can be one part of a rich sexual repertoire. Go slow, use lots of lube, and get in touch with a whole new set of sensations.