Dear Dr. Frankie,
My partner and I have been together for about eight years. For the past several years I’ve become more and more jealous of my partner’s relationship with her ex-girlfriend. Before my partner and I met she was with another woman and they had a child together. My partner was not the one who ended the relationship. I won’t go into the gory details of their breakup but my partner was devastated, it was not what she wanted. I met my partner about two years after their breakup. We have a good relationship but I worry that she is still in love with her former partner (who by the way does not like me). I really respect and love that my partner maintains a good relationship with her former partner in order to co-parent their child. It bothers me that my partner and her ex-girlfriend went to the same places and restaurants that we also love. I’m pretty sure that she still has feelings for her ex-girlfriend. Do I need to worry about this?
Dear Worry Wart,
As you already know there are very few perfect situations. You are making an assumption that your partner has feelings for her ex and this may or may not be true. Rather than making assumptions I think it would be healthy to have a discussion about your concerns.
Open lines of communication are vital to a healthy, lasting relationship. I don’t have enough information to get a sense of this either way, but that is almost not the point. Even if your partner does have lingering feelings for her ex, she is choosing to be with you. Her ex broke off their relationship, precluding the possibility for them being together even if that is your partner’s wish. It is extremely important that you have a great relationship. Enjoy the fact that your partner loves you and chooses to be with you. You can either enjoy the relationship for what it is or you can worry yourself sick over what it might not be, and sabotage the relationship. Consider also making new memories and finding new favorite restaurants. Start a fresh page by exploring together so you can have your own favorite activities and places.